Tuesday morning 47,000 rail commuters were tied up because of one little critter. A squirrel climbed onto the Metro-North Commuter Railroad power lines.
An electrical power surge occurred that weakened an overhead bracket. Because of the weakened bracket, a wire from the overhead bracket dangled down and got tangled up in a train passing underneath resultng in tearing down all the lines.
Trains were not running out of Manhattan. Commuters waited for hours and the trains never came.
This squirrel caused a huge tie-up for commuters and in the end he got what he deserved, he was electrocuted while sprinting around the power lines.
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I like the contrast between the big tie-up and the little critter ... but don't start your lead with "when."
ReplyDeleteIt would also help if you'd tell me about the power outage in the lead. Otherwise, I'm left wondering how this squirrel stopped all those commuters. Also, you really can combine those two sentences into one lead sentence.
You can tighten up P2.
P3 works - it's short, simple and to the point.
I asked you to attribute the info about the squirrel being electrocuted to Metro-North spokeswoman Donna Evans. You didn't.
You don't need to repeat info/wrap up at the end. Instead, close by saying when service was restored.
11/15