This one needs some more work:* Don't start with "when"* it's a US Air airplane, not a "U.S. airplane"* the word "casualties" isn't clear enough -- it could mean that some of them were badly injured, but we know they all died ... so say that. * make it work as one sentence7/10
Better. 7+1.5=8.5/10
This one needs some more work:
ReplyDelete* Don't start with "when"
* it's a US Air airplane, not a "U.S. airplane"
* the word "casualties" isn't clear enough -- it could mean that some of them were badly injured, but we know they all died ... so say that.
* make it work as one sentence
7/10
Better. 7+1.5=8.5/10
ReplyDelete