Traffic is at a nasty standstill in the South of Market area in San Francisco and on-lookers are standing around at the edges of the area.
The police have cordoned off all the surrounding streets, effectively shutting down a four-block area. In an interview, a Pacific Gas and Electric Co. worker stated that a private construction crew was trying to repair sewer lines. In the process, they severed a two-inch underground gas pipe with a backhoe, he said and a high-pressure gas pipe was ruptured. This happened a little before 12:30 p.m.
At least 100 people were forced to leave the area, including neighborhood residents, dozens of business owners and their customers, leaving many irate people. I spoke with manager Samantha Feldman of Wa-Ha-Ka restaurant. She says her employees and patrons were forced to leave. The restaurant's at the corner where the construction crew had been working. Feldman said the restaurant lost about $500 worth of business in the shutdown.
The gas was finally turned back on at 5:09p.m.
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You seem to be trying for a scene-setting lead, but this is a hard news story so you need to focus on the news: the 5Ws and 1H. (However, you can also include one or two colorful details in your hard news lead.)
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, your lead focuses on the impact of the gas link break, which is what makes this story newsworthy.
Don't write this story in present tense. Notice that the fact set says "It will appear in tomorrow's edition" of the newspaper." That means it all needs to be written in past tense.
* No first person ("I spoke") -- just quote her.
* Don't say "In an interview" -- that's understood.
* Shorter paragraphs
* "The restaurants" (plural, not possessive)
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